Living Victoriously

How To Avoid Falling For A Jerk... OR Jerkette

Session 3 - Part 3 - Manipulative, Deceitful, and Untrustworthy Behavior

Do you sometimes feel as if you are bending over backwards to satisfy your partner?  

As aforementioned in previous articles, it is imperative that we explore relational behaviors in people... especially those that we are considering having a relationship with.  Last time, we discussed abusive behavior.  Today, we will discuss manipulative, deceitful, and untrustworthy behavior.

Our cultures have shifted over time and with each generation it seems as if a new culture is born.  It isn't like the old days when we passed our culture down to our children and children's children.  We passed down our values and beliefs and everything that was important to us that made us unique... special... that made us US.  Now, society says that each person has a right to not have other people's values and beliefs and everything that comes with that imparted to you... but, instead, allow our children to create their own set of values and beliefs.  This is where we are in society and, therefore, it is important to know what type of person we are dealing with when we are contemplating dating or marrying someone... thus... marrying into their family.

There are many types of behavior that we should look out for.  However, today we are going to learn a little about manipulation, deceitfulness and an untrustworthy behavior.  Too often we want to see the good in people... and that is good... we should look for the good.  However, we do not want to close our eyes to the bad or unhealthy behavior that a person exhibits either.  The Bible says... we must be harmless as doves but as wise as snakes.  You see, things are not always good just because they look good on the surface.  This is YOUR heart, YOUR family, and YOUR life that you are considering to merge with someone else's.  We MUST be willing to research and seek out a matter to know it more fully especially when we are considering a long-term relationship with someone.  So, let's begin.

Definition of Deceitful:  Misleading others, typically on a habitual basis.

Synonyms:  deceptive, false, fraudulent, delusive, LYING

Now, this one is easy if we are willing to just open our eyes to truth.  Usually, eventually, a person will get caught in their lying.  You have to just be willing to see it for what it is and not allow the eyes of desire or the heart of love to cover it up.  If a woman or man is deceitful to you before you even have a serious relationship or before you are married, this is the time to call it what it is and confront the person with it.  If they are doing it now, what do you think they are going to do after you get married... become truthful?  This is a WATCH OUT alarm!

Definition of Untrustworthy:  Not worthy of trust or belief.

Adjectives:  Unreliable, treacherous, deceitful, false, trickery, slippery, untrue, dishonest, fickle, devious, UNFAITHFUL, capricious, two-faced, disloyal, FAITHLESS, fly-by-night, UNDEPENDABLE, a bad egg, evasive, an eel.

This is self-explanatory.  Just reading the adjectives helps you to get the idea.  This is not someone who will be faithful to you and you will NOT be able to depend on them.  This is a WATCH OUT alarm!

Definition of Manipulative:  Attempts at indirectly influencing someone else's behavior or actions.

As human beings, our emotions often cloud our judgments making it difficult to see the reality behind hidden agendas or motives in different forms of behavior.  The controlling aspects or shrewdness linked to manipulation are sometimes very subtle and may be easily overlooked, buried under feelings of obligation, love, or habit.  We are going to discuss this topic for the rest of the article since it is the one that we are most easily blinded to.  You will then learn some ways to pick up on manipulative behavior occurring around you.

Manipulative behavior isn't always easily recognized because it is subtle.  It is a silent game of building up obligations toward them, that end up with you feeling guilty, pressured, and obliged to do things that they want you to do while you are trying to figure out how you got to this point.

There are some main behaviors that can end up in manipulation.  It is useful to know how to spot them as to avoid.  

Join me again next time as we describe each behavior and provide healthy responses to them.