How To Avoid Falling For A Jerk… OR Jerkette
(Session 2 Part 3 – Exploring The Family Background)
Most of this section is taken directly from the book to ask
yourself questions in dealing with your family. This is a good way to evaluate yourself and that significant
other to see what their ideas of power and roles are in a family.
Explore Power In Your Family
There are 4 strands or sources of power domain in a
family. Sometimes they can be too
little and other times they may be too much.
DOMAIN TOO MUCH TOO LITTLE
Authority Authoritarian Permissive
Territory Possessive Enmeshed
Attention Spoiled Neglected
Responsibility Driven Lazy
When these domains are too much, it could lead to an
authoritarian situation, possessiveness, spoiled, and driven. When these domains are too little, it could
lead to a permissive relationship, enmeshed, neglected, and lazy. It is important that we find a healthy
balance in these domains. Why, because
they can be detrimental to those involved in the relationship. For example: Someone who has too much in the “authority” domain and
“territory” domain could be physically abusive. Someone who has too little in the “responsibility” and
“territory” domain could be not only lazy but to the point of not seeing why
they should have to take care of things that are in a relationship. They don’t see the territorial lines in a
relationship as theirs to upkeep.
Think About It: Which
imbalances would most likely lead to a power struggle?
Which imbalances would most likely
lead to insecurity in a relationship?
Which imbalances would most likely
lead to selfishness in a relationship?
It is important to know the family background of a person
and the personality of the possible mate.
Explore Roles In Your Family
Think About It: Consider
what your mother was like as a wife and your father as a husband.
How did their relationship and your
relationship with them affect how you would like to be and act in your future
relationship and eventual marriage?
How do you think it's affected
the way you will look at someone you date & ultimately at a partner in
marriage?
Which parent or guardian did you
most connect with?
Was it in closeness or in
conflict?
In what ways are you like that
parent or caregiver?
Are these issues
important to you in evaluating someone you are either dating or want to
date? YOU BETTER BELIEVE THEY ARE! They help identify where that person is
coming from and where that person’s character may lean towards.
Question: What characteristics describe a healthy and
positive husband… and a healthy and positive wife?
This is something
for you to think about as you become interested in someone. You can check your description of a healthy
husband or wife and see if that person matches it. If they don’t, do they match most of what you are looking for? Also, the things that are lacking, are they
important issues that could affect the healthiness and/or stability of your
relationship?
Well, that's all for now, see ya on Monday for when we go over "The Conscience" session 2 part 4 in You Can't Marry Jethro Without Gettin' The Clampetts". How To Avoid Falling For A Jerk... Or Jerkette.