Do We Truly Do For Ourselves AND For Our Families?… Or Do We Let OR Cause Others To Do It For Us?
Too often we either do for ourselves and neglect family OR do for our families and neglect self. What do you think? How are you in taking care of self? Too well where it becomes selfishness because of the “Me First” attitude or the “god” complex? Not well enough because of laziness, carelessness and/or other factors?
It is important to have balance in this, especially if we live with others in a household.
I was watching "The Drs" show last week and they talked about helping yourselves at home. They talked about how too often when we go to the doctor we ask for a pill to take care of the problem when we could do something at home that will do just as well without the pill. In other words… What can you do for me instead of what can I do for myself. I thought that it was so relevant… not just in health but in all aspects of everyday life.
We are going to touch on the “selfish, me first, god complex” attitude today. Too often we either go to one extreme or the other. For example: Being selfish is a “me first” attitude. No one can have the bigger or the best and he or she better not get it first. When you are dealing with a “god” complex it is usually a case where the attitude is “what I say goes” and “it doesn’t matter what others think or their opinion”, “I am right and everyone else is wrong”, “I am perfect”, “I deserve the best and therefore I should get the best… first.” “Your thoughts, opinions, feelings, accomplishments don’t matter because I do better and am more important.” Now, while these things aren’t usually spoken out loud, they are felt very often by someone with this attitude whether they want to admit it or not.
Then, we go the other direction in being careless in dealing with ourselves. There are many factors involved here from self-esteem issues to abuse to insecurity, etc. However, all the same, it still exists for whatever reason. A person who thinks this way will exhibit symptoms and these symptoms may be in not caring for themselves either outwardly or sometimes even inwardly. They may say things like “I got what I deserve”, “I’m no good and worthless”, “That’s what I get”, “No one else loves me so why should I”, “who cares”, even “they owe me this” idea. Even though these words don’t come out of their mouths, they may think it and their actions may express it. A person may never pick up after themselves just because of laziness. However, perhaps they also don’t do it because of the “who cares” attitude.
Question: How do we make sure that we don’t go from one extreme to the other?
Good question.
If there are any mental or psychological issues involved then those need to be cared for first. You see, your state of mind has to be balanced. If there are mental or psychological factors, it will make it most difficult to work it out because how you think is how you will behave. Your thoughts decide your actions. For those who have a generally healthy state of mind but is just a little on one of the extremes then it is something where we have to examine self and situation and truly see who and what we are without trying to deceive ourselves or make excuses or defend ourselves of why we behave in a certain way. We must begin by holding ourselves accountable to the actions that we perform and the words we say. Practice makes perfect.
Sometimes, when we live with others, we leave all of the burdens on them or the other extreme, we don’t allow them to help in carrying the burdens. This is a mistake and a detriment to our health and to the health of relationships around us. Everyone needs to be needed… to be of use… to be helpful. Everyone also needs rest… carefree times… and help at one time or another. No one is an island unto himself or herself… no, not even a peninsula! What we choose to be, do, or say affects everyone we come in contact with.
When we do everything ourselves our family members feel useless. They may not realize it at the time but it causes feelings of worthlessness. They need to help out with the cares of your lives together so that they can truly feel like a part of it. Things are more valued when you have to put something into it versus when it is just given to you. When your blood, sweat, and tears are put into something, you hold a much higher value to it… even to the point of pricelessness sometimes. The same idea works in a family and relational bonds are formed by working together instead of one person trying to do it all either by choice or because no one else will pitch in.
Join me again as we talk about the other extreme “Do We Do For Ourselves and for our Families” Part 2. There will be a list of steps that can be done to accomplish a balanced “doing for ourselves”.