How To Avoid Falling For a
Jerk (or Jerkette)
Part 1
(The foolproof way to
follow your heart without losing your mind)
This is a series of seminars that I had an opportunity to
attend and I wanted to share with you what I learned and what was shared in class. This was inspired by the book written by John Van Epp, ph.D.
A Bird’s Eye View of Dating
Today, in this section I will cover Difficult Partners and
their Warning Signs. Please understand that being a jerk is not gender prejudice. You have them in both sexes and when we are talking about these identification signs, it is in dealing with both sexes, not just one or the other. Remember, what people's state of mind is, is how their behaviour will be... they can hide it for a short time, but it will eventually show what kind of person they are.
Question: What
exactly is a jerk or jerkette?
Answer: A jerk or jerkette is another way of saying a difficult partner. Let’s answer the question above by asking you a few questions.
What are some common patterns of a person
difficult to be with in a relationship?
Before looking at the ideas below, take time to think about what your thoughts are in this matter. What is your answer?... Good, ok, now take a look at some of the examples below.
Here are some excellent examples of common patterns of a difficult person to be with in a relationship that people shared in the class:
- Selfish -
Sneaky - Needy - Nagger
- Insensitive -
User - Cheater - Manipulative
- Low down -
Controller -
Don’t care attitude - Lazy
- Hypocritical -
Liar - Never apologize - Mean
- Disrespectful - Abusive -
“Big” brat -
Immature
- Whining -
Condescending - Demanding -
Irresponsible
- Accuser -
Demeaner -
Gold digger -
Mama’s boy/girl
- Dead beat -
Jealous - Insecure
If you see a pattern of these in someone, be alert… he/she
may just be the wrong person for you.
Question: What is
the core difference between acting like a jerk/jerkette and being a
jerk/jerkette?
Answer: All of us
have our own “jerk" or "jerkette” moments at one time or another, but someone who
consistently behave this way should cause the jerk/jerkette alarm to go off in
your mind. Be aware and pay attention
to their behaviour… not just what they say, but what they do, not just what
they do to you, but how they treat others also.
Question: What are
the 3 warning signs of a person difficult to be with in a relationship?
Answer: Before
looking at the answers, think of what "YOUR" answer(s) would be if you had to be around
someone difficult to live with. Always
ask yourself these questions of what you think and how you see the matter.
- Little insight into yourself or how others see you.
- Poor emotional control
- Inadequate relationship skills
Remember good-hearted people are the most at risk for
falling for a JERK/JERKETTE!
Question: Why is it
important to see yourself from another’s perspective?
Answer: To determine
if change is necessary you must do a self-evaluation every so often, but you
must also be willing to hear people out in dealing with how they see you because there are some parts of you that you don't see but others do.
Question: What are
the warning signs of somebody who doesn’t have this ability to see themselves from another's perspective?
Answer: This person
may be close-minded, defensive and not willing to listen.
Question: What are
some emotions that you want to have healthy control over?
Answer: With some
emotions, if they are not controlled well, they will eventually lead to harm
not just themselves, but others also.
So, it is important that we have a healthy control over the following:
- Anger - Pride -
Jealousy - Secure/Insecure
Well that is all for tonight; join me again this week for
“How To Avoid Falling For a Jerk/Jerkette” Part 2. We will cover How to recognize an emotionally immature person,
how to recognize an emotionally restricted person and more!
Please feel free to add your comments or ask questions