How To Avoid Falling
For A Jerk… OR Jerkette
Session #2 - Part 1: You Can’t Marry Jethro Without Getting’ The Clampetts
Well, we finished the first session of "A Bird’s Eye View Of Dating". Let’s move on to "You Can’t Marry Jethro
Without Getting’ The Clampetts".
In this session we are going to search through two areas in
dating: Our childhood and family
experiences. These two inherently shape
who we are and what roles we hold in dating and marriage. Of course, your expectations and feelings
also are affected by these.
When you have an experience, it becomes imputed and
helps to form the conscience. Question
is… "Is his/her conscience functioning appropriately and mature? This session will help you
to know what the conscience is and favor you with some realistic ways of
measuring it.
In dealing with the
Relationship Attachment Model (RAM), these things are important to the initial
bonding link in what you need to investigate about someone in order to really "know" him/her.
We will cover in this session: The Big Lie Of Love, Necessary Ingredients For Effective Personal
Change, Exploring Family Background, and Exploring the Attitudes and Actions of
the Conscience.
The Big Lie Of Love
The Big LIE in dealing with love is that "family doesn't matter". This is a humongous farce! Knowing the family is a must. As hard as it is to believe and understand, when you marry someone, you marry their family also. Their family is permanently a part of your life. You have to deal with the ins and outs of your partner's family issues and they have to deal with the ins and outs of your family's issues. YOU CANNOT MARRY JETHRO WITHOUT GETTIN' THE
CLAMPETTS!
The Big LIE has 4 additional contributing causes: the social revolution of the sixties,
increased mobility, “incubator” relationships, and 2nd
marriages. While we are not focusing on
whether these factors have good or bad in them and reasons for them, we are
just stating the facts, and the fact is, they are contributing factors to The
Big LIE.
Necessary Ingredients For Change
“Personal insight and change are much more easily accomplished
before marriage.” Let’s explore the 4
ingredients necessary for effective personal change.
-
Insight: This includes
recognition, acknowledgment, willingness and a desire for change.
-
New Information: This includes
the willingness to replace negative talk to another action that is more
positive.
-
Deliberate Effort:
This is the “action and implementation” area where you actively putting
forth great effort be the person that you want to be. “LIVE ON PURPOSE”!
-
Time and Practice: It
takes time and practice to change. You
did not develop bad habits overnight and they will not leave overnight. It will take you giving it a lot of time and
putting into practice what you have discovered.
So, that means in order to accomplish change, it has to be
something where you realize that change is needed, have a willingness to
change, willing to work at it until the change is accomplished thus putting
time and effort til you have reached your goal. You have to do this for yourself.
If you are trying to change for someone else, it won’t work. You may see change for a short period of
time but it won’t last. If it is something
begrudgingly done or done by force, it will not hold because it is not a change
that is being done inside of you. It is
only an outward action that you are doing, therefore you are still the same
person inwardly and that, eventually, will come out again. How your state of mind is is how your behavior will be.
Question For The Readers: So, what areas would you like to improve about
yourself? Take the time to evaluate
self and prepare a plan that puts the 4 ingredients into effect for a personal
change. Try it today!
Join me again next week, hopefully on Monday, where we will go over Exploring Family Background. "How To Avoid Falling For A Jerk... OR Jerkette" Session 2 - Part 2