How To Keep Open Communication
The examples below are in a work setting but is not specifically only in dealing with a work setting. It is relevant for most situations.
Which would you prefer?
Example 1:
An employee barges into the boss’s office without knocking. He frowns and raises his voice as he immediately begins to rail on her for not giving him the raise he thinks that he is worthy of. As she already knew that he would be angry from previous experience with him, she is prepared for the confrontation. "The pay isn’t good enough, why can’t I have a wage increase!" "My office is so small it is like a broom closet!" "I can’t do the work I want to do because of the assistant you gave me gets in the way instead of helping!" "People here don’t respect me but if I was a manager they wouldn’t have any choice!" "It is not fair that you chose… to be the manager instead of me!" I was here longer than…!" An argument ensues as she tries to explain his shortcomings in his job. Her words are harder than necessary because of the prating of malicious words he gives her. He has the possibility of losing his job because of his behavior and disrespect for his employer and co-workers.
Example 2:
An employee comes to the door of the boss’s office and knocks. He waits to be invited in. He has concern showing on his face and asks the boss if he could speak with her for a moment. She invites him to have a seat. He enters and she asks what she can do for him. He expresses his disappointment at not getting the managing position and raise. The boss already knew that they would have this talk but she didn’t mind as she knew that he was an understanding and patient man. She explains to him why he didn’t get the new managerial position and then lets him know what improvements that he can do in his work that can assist him in possibly getting the next raise. He gets along well with his assistant because he speaks to her with respect. He shows her how he wants her help in the job they are doing. People in the office respect him because he is cool headed and thinks before he speaks. The boss let's him know that if those things aforementioned are accomplished, then he will be eligible for the next promotion and raise. He maintains his job, his respect, and has good prospects of a possible advancement in his career in the future.
Behavior that will close the doors on a conversation:
* Railing and bringing accusations – closes any possible civil communication.
* Complaining with anger and coarse words – causes argument and defense.
* Hurling insults – closes the doors to listening and causes arguments.
* Throwing blame – throws up walls of defense for the person receiving the blame.
* Casting ultimatums - more than likely bring an undesired outcome for you.
* Yelling and shouting – brings additional arguing and shouting with no positive outcome.
Behavior that will keep the doors of communication open:
* Speak to others with respect, even when there is a problem – It gains their respect and their willingness to listen and understand.
* Sometimes speak humbly and other times boldly (doesn’t me to be overbearing), depending on the situation – It gains understanding that there is something to talk about and a willingness to listen.
* Say what you mean and not expect people to read between the lines – If you are clear, precise, and respectful, you will get your point across.
* Tell what the matter or situation is without personal derogatory remarks or blame – This will keep the person willing to listen and not raise up their defense.
* Be willing to also listen to what they have to say – You don’t know everything so don’t act like you do. Listening to them will give you a better understanding of where they are coming from.
* Don’t interrupt while they are speaking – Interrupting is usually a precursor to an argument. If you don’t interrupt, they will see that you are also willing to listen and will be more considerate to your request.
* Try to work together – This will bring a more desirable outcome.
* Be willing to compromise – This is necessary in dealing with both parties to come to an agreement.
Everything in life is not black and white. Life is just not that simple especially where people are involved. So, seek peace and pursue it to the best of your ability. Be an example to your co-worker(s) and employer(s) in your work morals and ethics along with your behavior, attitude, and speech. You will find that when you do this, many people will come to befriend you, to seek advice, to talk, to just hang out, they will see you as someone they can confide in and gain wisdom from, they will see you as a leader. So... BE THAT LEADER.
Join me again next week as we cover other great topics to create a new state of mind.