How To Avoid Falling For A Jerk... OR Jerkette! (Part 3)
(How to avoid falling for the wrong person)
Question: What are
some relationship skills essential for a healthy relationship?
Answer: This is a
very important question because we are now above the 50% average of divorce…
and that is just talking about in the Christian realm.
To keep a healthy relationship requires several things:
-
Open communication being the very first. Communication deals with talking without
blame and insult but it also deals with listening. Many of us want to get our point across and want to be right, but
the object is to settle the issue satisfactorily for both parties, not to be
right all the time. You pick your
fights… so to speak… no hitting now! J In other words, there are many problems that
will come in a relationship. Pick which
ones are the most important, not all of them need to be handles right now.
-
Trust. If you cannot
trust your partner, how can you love your partner when love is built on
trust. Trust is an important commodity
in a relationship so that barriers and walls are not built, it keeps jealousy,
doubt, and insecurity at bay.
-
Honesty. This goes
hand and hand with trust. A person will
only trust you if they think you’re honest and trustworthy. i.e.:
if you say you are going to do something and don’t do it, that person
may doubt whether you are a person who will keep his/her word or question your
reliability. So, husbands and wives,
don’t take it for granted that your partner will understand if you don’t keep
your word. It is just as important to
them now as it was when you were dating.
Be honest and upright.
-
Sacrifice. A
relationship is a give and take thing.
It is not all one sided where one person is giving and the other is
always taking. Everyone is in a
relationship for giving and receiving.
Otherwise, the relationship dies.
A person who is selfish is emotionally immature. To keep a relationship going will take
sacrifice at times on both parts.
Sometimes you will need to sacrifice what you desperately want for the
sake of the relationship and vice versa.
It will show just what you are willing to give up for this person. In marriage vows there is the promise of
sacrifice… for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, til death do us
part. It is a sacrifice to hang in
there.
-
Sense of humor. This
is a very important aspect in relationships.
Laughter is medicine to the body and healing to the bones. It lightens the spirit and brings joy into
the heart. It causes a serious
situation to be more acceptable.
Sometimes when you have had all you can stand, it takes someone with a
sense of humor to just make you smile or laugh, why can’t it be you to make
your partner smile or laugh when they have had a hard day. I listened to a sermon by Pastor C.D. Brooks
and he told of a story about a husband who complained about his wife being like
a hen and cackling about everything.
Instead of the wife taking such offense, she literally cackled like a
hen for the rest of the day. It causes
laughter and a sense of humor is good when done at the right time.
-
Submission. This is a
word that everyone wants others to do and no body wants to do. It is a sacrifice to do because you are
putting your will aside and giving in to your partner. This is also a give and take thing. If your partner is always the one who’s
submitting to you, then they are not very happy… I guarantee you. If you are always the one who’s submitting
to your partner, how does that make you feel?
Like a door mat maybe? Like you don’t count? Again, In God’s word he said submit yourselves one to
another. Submission is not a bad word;
it is how you are looking at it. It is
something that is necessary if your relationship is going to be happy and
successful.
-
Teamwork. It is
important to work together as one. When
you are married, you are one unit. When
you are in a relationship you have to work as a team or else the game is
over. If you are behaving as a solo
player, you will eventually be a solo player.
You are together, you must work and play together and work together to
keep the relationship successful and growing.
-
Lastly, but not the least, MUTUAL RESPECT. So often I hear from my online friends on
Facebook, MySpace, Tagged, Twitter, LinkedIn, Plentyoffish, etc… about
RESPECT. Women and Men are looking for
someone who will respect them.
What
Is Respect?
On a practical level respect includes taking someone's
feelings, needs, thoughts, ideas, wishes and preferences into consideration. It
means taking all of these seriously and giving them worth and value. In fact,
giving someone respect seems similar to valuing them and his or her thoughts,
feelings, etc. It also includes acknowledging them, listening to them, being
truthful with them, and accepting their individuality and idiosyncrasies.
Respect can be shown through behavior and it can also be
felt. We can act in ways that are considered respectful, yet we can also feel
respect for someone and feel respected by someone. Because it is possible to
act in ways that do not reflect how we really feel, the feeling of respect is
more important than the behavior without the feeling. When the feeling is
there, the behavior will naturally follow… As you believe and think is how your
behaviour will be.
As you see, we hold others in a position of honour, high
esteem, high regard. In the bible God
mentions about holding others higher than you.
In a relationship, this is very necessary to hold your partner as one
higher than yourself. That is very hard
to do because we always want to be first.
But mutual respect will cause you to put them first and them to put you
first. You will think of them first
before making decisions or before doing things that will affect them or your
relationship.
Well, join me again on Monday when we cover "How To Avoid Falling For A Jerk... OR Jerkette!" Part 4 (The 3 Social Shifts That Impact Dating)
