Living Victoriously

How to Avoid Falling For A Jerk… OR Jerkette (Part 2)

(How to avoid falling for the wrong person)

I put that extra title underneath the main title because the title seemed to be offensive to some.  The main title is not one that I made up, it is the name of the seminar.  Once again, the information shared with you is from a seminar on dating.  The information is input from the class attended.

Today we are going to identify how to recognize an emotionally immature person, how you recognize an emotionally restricted person, and why there are sometimes differences between relationship skills used in dating and those used in marriage?

Question:  How do you recognize an emotionally IMMATURE person?

Answer:  This is a question that has many answers and it is something that probably most of us ask ourselves.  Be on the lookout for if the person has temper tantrums… now they may not jump up and down (or they may???) and roll on the ground kicking their feet like a child, but they may have an adult temper tantrum.  i.e.:  yelling, screaming, and argumentative, pouting, slamming and/or throwing things.  Also a person’s whose state of mind is emotionally immature, may not handle business well, they more than likely will be selfish, co-dependent, manipulative, insecure and make you responsible for their feelings and behaviour.  If the person you are thinking of dating or have been dating is exhibiting any of these patterns… LOOKOUT!  He/She may just be the wrong person for you.

Question:  How do you recognize an emotionally RESTRICTED person?

Answer:  We all are looking for someone who is ready to receive our love and to know how to love and to give their love to us.  So, be on the lookout for if the person is overly repressive, has low self-esteem, passive or allows themselves to be a doormat, depressed, indecisive, shows a lack of empathy, self-alienated, controlling, obsessive, or shows passive/aggressive behaviour.  If the person you are thinking of dating or have been dating is showing any of these patterns… LOOKOUT!  He/She may just be the wrong person for you.

Question:  Why are there sometimes differences between relationship skills used in dating and those used in marriage?

Answer:  We all know that to keep relationships active we do a lot of the same things for each type of relationship.  However, there are some differences of behaviour depending on the relationship.

In dating, we ignore red flags and are trying to impress our date.  We tend to have a passive mindset and hoping for a change.  We usually don’t show our true selves completely until a long time in the relationship.

In marriage, you don’t have as much of a passive mindset because you don’t need to impress this person because they are already your life-long partner.  We also finally let our whole selves be shown completely in a marriage… kind of letting our breath out and be who we really are.  However, you learn to compromise more because of the commitment to keep the relationship afloat and happy.  Some give and some take is required.

Well, th-th-th-that’s all folks!  Join me again on Thursday as we talk about (How to avoid falling for the wrong person – Part 3) “What are some relationship skills essential for a healthy relationship?”  See ya next time!