How To Avoid Falling For A
Jerk… OR Jerkette
Session 2 Part 4 – “You
Can’t Marry Jethro Without Gettin’ The Clampetts” – The Conscience
GOOD CONSCIENCES KEEP MARRIAGES TOGETHER
“A group of multi-disciplinary researchers from the
University of California, Brandeis University and the State University New York
at Stony Brook teamed together to conduct a series of studies on the famous
Terman database to determine if there were any childhood predictors of
longevity and marital happiness. What
they found was shocking. Lewis M.
Terman and Catherine Cox were awarded a grant of $20 million dollars by the
Heritage Foundation in 1921 to conduct a lifelong study of 1528 gifted
elementary school children. Follow-up
surveys and studies were administered approximately every five years. In addition, files of newspaper clippings,
legal documents and certificates, and interview with parents, spouses and
family members were comprised on each of the participants.
One of the childhood characteristics that Lewis Terman evaluated
was conscientiousness. Terman compiled
profiles of each child (around 11 years old) on their truthfulness, lack of
egotism or vanity, and prudence (good impulse control). Putting these areas together provided him a
picture of each child’s conscientiousness.
The original intent of this project was to study human intelligence but
the results went fare beyond this.
Changes in the leadership of this project over the span of
eight decades brought fresh ideas and heightened attention to new issues. Their years of data collection produced rich
and extensive findings on marriages, careers, educational achievements, child
rearing, family practices, aging, retirement and causes of death for over 1500
individuals over the course of thisr lifetimes. The project continues to this day.
Because those who participated in the Terman database were
evaluated in the area of conscientiousness when they were children, researchers
could trace those who were highly conscientious as children into their
marriages and even determine for many of them their age at death. What they found was there was one
personality quality that most strongly predicted longevity and happy
marriages. Conscientiousness in
childhood consistently predicted thos who lived longer and never divorced! In fact, conscientiousness was as powerful a
predictor of a longer lifespan as many common predictors of physical
health. It was also the childhood
personality quality that stood out as the strongest predictor of a marriage
that would last a lifetime.”
Termon,
L.M. and Oden, M.H. (1947). Genetic studies of genius: IV. The gifted child grows up: Twenty-five years follow-up. Standford, Ca: Standford University Press.
Friedman,
H.S., Tucker, J.S., Tomlinson-Keasey, C., Schwartz, J.E., Wingard D.L. and
Criqui, M.H. (1993). Does childhoiod
personality predict longevity? Journal
of personality and social psychology.
Vol. 65 (1), 176-185.
There you have it!
It makes a difference in who you were growing up into who you are
now. Now, remember, some changes occur,
especially if you’ve become a Christian, you’ve become a new creature in
Christ. That being said though, we must be
realistic about the possible attitudes and actions of the conscience Christian or not.
Exploring Attitudes & Actions of The Conscience
Have you ever thought about what role your conscience plays
in your life in dealing with your behaviour and your thoughts? It plays a huge role in you becoming and
acting that you are. Frequently in my
writings I mention about how you are what your state-of-mind is. In other words, your behaviour will
eventually show in dealing with the person you are inside. The Bible talks about how if it is a good
tree then it will produce good fruit and vice versa. You are what you think because what you think is what your actions
and behaviour will show. Let’s take a
look at conscience.
Your conscience plays 2 important roles.
(1)
It is the MANAGER of your attitudes and actions. In other words, it regulates right and wrong
and how you work with it.
(2)
It gets you out of YOUR world and into your PARTNER’S or other
people’s world. In other words, it
helps you not to be so narcissistic by thinking about how
other people feel. It transports and
gives the ability for the conscience to act on what is happening… like…
empathizing with your partner when they are hurt about something instead of
always thinking about how you feel and how something affects you.
It is very important that we watch for signs that exhibit a
partner’s conscience. It is wise to
observe how their conscience monitors their attitudes and actions. Look for the following:
-
ability to apologize
-
their reactions to situations
-
following through on an apology
-
what they do in dealing with other people
-
their ability to evaluate self honestly and see the wrong that
they have done
Question: Why is
transporting conscience important in someone you date or marry?
Answer: I guess the
question to you is, do you want someone who can and is willing to try to
understand you or where you are coming from?
Do you want someone who can see his/her wrong and be willing to admit it
and make amends for it… and possibly prevent themselves from doing it
again. OR… do you want someone who gets
angry because you are hurt by something they have done… they don’t apologize
for their behaviour… they don’t see a need for the apology or making amends
because they don’t see where they are wrong because their conscience is not
transporting correctly, therefore, they don’t see why you should be hurt! So, it just irritates them and gets on their
nerves and puts them on the defensive.
So, instead of them empathizing with you… or even sympathizing with you,
they are put on the defensive. You see,
transporting is important to know, to be able to share, to be able to listen,
and to be able to understand. But, if a
partner has trouble doing this, you are headed down a very rocky pathway in
dealing with this relationship and it is perhaps something that you would want
to re-consider because the prospects of a happy marriage isn’t likely.
Question for you: Do
you know of people who have a strong transporting conscience?
Think about it and make a list of what you expect to see in
someone you date or potentially marry who has a healthy and positive
conscience.
Well, we will be taking a break from this topic for the rest of this year. Next week, take a look at our spiritual and physical health tab for some good enlightenment. See ya later at www.livingvictoriously.biz
