DEALING WITH ANGER, BITTERNESS, & RESENTMENT

The only way we can live life undefeated is first by believing in the someone who already has given us the victory over all things… That someone is Jesus Christ our Lord and our Saviour. Lord, because He is the Someone that we choose to follow and obey… Saviour, because He died in my place, in your place… where we are guilty of eternal death, he died that death for us so that we can live. As I write these daily posts, they will almost always relate to a relationship with God and His Word, the Bible, and where it doesn’t, please acknowledge what was mentioned at first that it is only by that relationship that we can overcome all things.

When I say living life defeated, I mean allowing the cares of this world to decide what kind of person you will be and what your actions will entail, what you think, and what you desire. Allowing the bad and ugly in this life to beat you down to where you stay down and choose not to get up again. That is living a defeated life, giving up, and surrendering.

Now, there are many things that can cause us to live a defeated life: anger, bitterness, and resentment, unconquered temptations, low self esteem, fear, loneliness, depression, childhood hurts, addictions, and many more. Today, are going to cover "Anger, Bitterness, and Resentment". As we learn to conquer our anger, bitterness, and resentment, we build a new state of mind for ourselves. 

Let's define what these things are first so that we're on the same page.

Anger – The basic emotion of extreme displeasure or exasperation in reaction to a person, a situation, or an object. The synonyms to anger are annoyance, irritation, fury, rage, antagonism, resentment, incense, inflame, madden, ire, outrage, steam up, tick off… there are so many definitions for it. I wanted to list a good amount so that you understand that “Anger” comes under many names.

Bitterness – marked by intensity or severity; accompanied by severe pain or suffering; exhibiting intense animosity; harshly reproachful; marked by cynicism and rancor; expressive of severe pain, grief, or regret. Synonyms of bitterness are: acrid, acrimonious, embittered, hard, rancorous, resentful, and sore.

Resentment – a feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury. Synonyms of resentment are: grievance, grudge, or keeping score.

When we are angry, be it for a good reason or not, for a long or short period of time, it effects us, mentally, physically, spiritually, and of course, emotionally. Anger can cause negative reactions and situations in a relationship when expressed unconstructively. So, we want to learn how to get rid of our anger, whether it has plagued us for all of our lives or is a sudden issue. As we learn these techniques, our state of mind will also change thus allowing us to overcome even more.  

 7 steps that should be taken to deliver us from anger, resentment, and bitterness.

1. Admit that you are angry. Be honest to yourself and with God. Don’t try to hide your genuine feelings. Heb. 4:13; Eph. 4:26

2. Discover why you are angry. (This may require you to look into your past or speak with a counselor.) Gen. 4:6

3. Although it is ok to be angry for a good reason, don’t let your emotions control you. (Prov. 16:32; Eccl. 7:9; Prov. 14:29)

4. Give your anger to God. Remember angry words stir up anger in others. (Prov. 15:1; Ps. 37:7, 8).

5. Forgive others who have wronged you, even if they haven’t asked for forgiveness, nor apologized. Because the purpose of the forgiveness is for your sake not theirs necessarily. Since God has forgiven you for what you have done to Him, ask Him to give you forgiveness for what others have done to you. (Eph. 4:32; Lk. 11:4; Col. 3:13)

6. Forgive yourself for things you have done and for being angry. (1 Jn. 1:9)

7. Deal with anger quickly. Don’t let it accumulate. AND If you need to ask someone’s forgiveness, do it. (Eph. 4:26)

Now, while we know that there is nothing wrong with being angry for a good reason, it is the holding on to anger that gives us the trouble and isn’t good according to Eph 4:29-32. You see, anger progresses into resentment and resentment progresses into bitterness. So, if we avoid holding onto the anger, the other 2 will take care of themselves. These things cause us not to be able to move on in our lives. It holds us back from accomplishing our plans and goals and destroys relationships that we might have had, and even more so is a stumbling block from fulfilling what God has planned for us. Let's have a new state of mind, one that is free from such vices.  

Let’s stop the devil in his tracks today by letting go of any anger, resentment, and bitterness thus allowing ourselves to live life VICTORIOUSLY!

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Do We Truly Do For Ourselves And For Our Families Pt #2

Do We Do For Ourselves AND For Our Families?… Or Do We Let (Cause) Others To Do It?

What do you think?  How are you in taking care of self AND others?  Not well enough because of laziness, carelessness, low self-esteem, busyness, and/or other factors?

It is important to have balance in this, especially if we live with others in a household.

We talked about the extreme of over-control of things.  Now we are going in the other direction in being careless in dealing with ourselves.  There are many factors involved here from self-esteem issues to abuse to insecurity, etc.  However, all the same, it still exists for whatever reason.  The results are someone who doesn’t take care of themselves either outwardly or inwardly or both.  They may say things like “I got what I deserve”, “I’m no good and worthless”, “That’s what I get”, “No one else loves me so why should I”, “who cares”, even “I don’t deserve any better” idea.  Even though these words don’t come out of their mouths all the time, occasionally it does or they may think it and their actions show it.  A person may never pick up after themselves just because of laziness.  However, perhaps they also don’t do it because of the “who cares” attitude.

Overall, there must be a balance to caring for yourself and others who you are responsible for.  Let’s look at the steps below.

Steps to accomplish a balanced “Doing For Ourselves WHILE Doing For Others”

              -           Meet together to consider everyone’s needs in the planning…

                                     Ask and converse openly to find out what their needs are.

              -           Set a plan to include all others’ needs in the household… including 

                                     children.  Be sure that everyone is a part of the planning process.

              -            Prioritize the list of duties.

              -           Don’t try to do it all yourself.

              -           Ask for help.

              -           Give choices of what can be done.  

                                     For example:  not everyone can balance a budget.

              -           Be fair in the duties, you do the hard and/or dirty work too.

              -           Be clear and concise in what needs to be done.  

                                     For example:  Someone else may need to look for work outside of

                                     the home while another person just take care of the laundry.  So, 

                                     let them know exactly what is needed.

              -           Don’t micro-supervise…

              -           Don’t supervise if he or she is an adult.

              -           Don’t constantly look over the shoulder.

              -           Allow them autonomy to choose how they want to accomplish the task.

              -           Don’t tread on other’s work, thoughts, and opinions by helping and 

                                     offering advice when your help or advice wasn't asked for and 

                                     wasn't wanted or needed.

              -           Be sure that you are not the ONLY one supervising the kids but other

                                      adults have responsibility in supervising them also.

              -           Be sure that you are not ONLY the supervising but that you are also

                                      working HANDS-ON with the others.

              -                     When tasks are accomplished, check them off of the list, give kudos, show

                                      others the accomplishments that were made so that everyone 

                                      knows the success that they all are causing in dealing with the 

                                      goals that you have made together.

Remember, this is not just for families but businesses also.  In business be sure to take care of your responsibilities first, then if you can, lift up a co-worker by offering your assistance.  If you are working on a project together, be sure to follow the list above as it works just as well with some alterations.

Basically it comes down to working together.  When you are dealing with a family, don’t try to do everything for yourself and don’t allow others to do everything for you.  Balance it out so that you all are working together doing what is necessary for a healthy and happy home.

Join me again next time as we continue to add more informative self-help articles for everyday living.