How To Avoid Falling For A Jerk... OR Jerkette Part 5

THE RAM MODEL

How “RAM” Relationship Attachment Model exposes jerks, protects you from blinding love, and provides you with a map for pacing your relationship

"The Relationship Attachment Model (RAM) is a picture of the bonding links that interact in a developing relationship"


Let's define the words on the Model:


Know - Be aware of through observation, inquiry, or information; have knowledge or information concerning.


Trust - Firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. 
                NOUN:  confidence - faith - credit - reliance - belief.  VERB:  believe - confide - rely - credit - hope.


Rely - Depend on with full trust or confidence.  Synonyms:  trust - depend - confide - lean - believe - count on.


Commit - Pledge or bind to a certain course or policy.  Synonyms:  consign - entrust - do


Touch - Come so close to (an object) as to be or come into contact with it.  An act of bringing a part of one's body, typically one's hand, into contact with someone.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question:  What are the 5 features of the RAM?
Answer:  
-     The RAM portrays the 5 sources of love and closeness.
-     The RAM measures the closeness in a relationship.
               a) Situational Domain - The lowest level of "know"
               b) Relational Domain - "Associate" with
               c) Personal Domain - More intimate and personal
-     Knowledge (or intimacy) - To know someone, it takes lots of Talk + Togetherness + Time
-     The RAM explains the logic of love
-     The RAM portrays safe relationship:  beginning from right to left, each level should not exceed the previous level.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It is important for you to get to know people in different settings so that it is NOT an incubator controlled setting.


Time Scale - Averages of time it takes for the following:


It usually will take about 9-12 months for a decision to work out relationship or marriage.
It usually takes 6-9 months fixing areas that may be a problem.
People will usually go through 4-6 months of doubts.
It usually takes at least 90 days before a person's pattern shows.


SO, let's make sure that we take the appropriate amount of time it takes to truly get to know someone before we allow trust, rely commit, and touch to happen... Knowing is #1.


AGAIN:  beginning from right to left of the RAM model, each level should not exceed the previous level.


Join me again on December 1st as we go through "How To Avoid Falling For A Jerk... OR Jerkette" Part 5.  (The 90-day probation period of dating)

Happy Thanksgiving!

How To Avoid Falling For A Jerk… OR Jerkette Part 4

(How to avoid falling for the wrong person)

Three Social Changes That Impact Dating

 Our society has changed in the way it functions when dealing with relationships.  There are 3 major social changes that have happened.  These are very relevant because they impact dating in a dramatic way.  Some changes may be positive and some may not be and some may be both.

1. Whereas before there was family guidance in dealing with dating, now, it is an individual choice.

Therefore, there are 2 very important beliefs that we have unfortunately lost in that social shift.

1. Families Marry Families
2. Singles Need Guidance

2. Whereas before we were a segmented society, now we have diversified our cultures.
3. Whereas before the social norms were identified of what was acceptable and what wasn’t in dealing with proper behaviour in dating, now it is something that is individual and subjective.  Now each person decides himself/herself what is appropriate according to the values that they have… sometimes this is good because they may have been raised with good values… other times, it may not be so good because they may not have received proper training in values because they may have raised themselves.

The purpose of this series of articles is to help your heart and your mind to work together when looking for a partner.  You see the head and the heart allows us to learn:  how to explore the 5 key areas of a potential dating partner; know, trust, rely, commit, and touch and allows us to learn how to balance the 5 bonding links in a romantic relationship.

ME... BLIND???  WHO??? … LOVE IS BLIND!

Did you know that you really are blind when you are in love with someone?

“Scientists have now found evidence to support the old adage that ‘love is blind’.  Through brain-imaging studies, researchers at the University College London found that “feelings of love lead to a suppression of activity in the areas of the brain controlling analytical thinking.  It seems that once we get close to a person, there is a reduction in the activity used in the brain.  Romantic love suppresses neural activity associated with one’s ability to be a good judge of a partner.  In addition, massive releases of oxytocin, dopamine and other hormones and neuropeptides in the brain create euphoric feelings that further cloud analytic judgments, masking those repeating offenses that should be obvious warning signals of problems to come.”

Science Proves That Love is Blind.  BBC News Report on article from Neurolmage.  June 14, 2004.

  

(That is why it is good to have friends and family that we can use as a guide for us because we truly do become somewhat BLIND.)


Join me again on Thursday as we cover “How To Avoid Falling For A Jerk… OR Jerkette” Part 5… (How “RAM” Relationship Attachment Model exposes jerks, protects you from blinding love, and provides you with a map for pacing your relationship.)