Impatience - Part 1

There have been songs sung about patience, album titles and bands named after the word, an opera named after it also known as Bunthorne's Bride, plays written about the word, poems written, a game named after it also known as “solitaire”.  We name our children after it.  In fact, it is a female given name, a virtue name first used by Puritans in the sixteenth century, and then there are phrases like “patience is a virtue”.  With as much as the word patience is used, the true meaning behind it is rarely understood.  We are impatient people living in an impatient world.

Let’s understand a little better about what PATIENCE is, why it is so important to have and utilize, and how IMPATIENCE can be a defeat in your life preventing you from living life victoriously.

A question was asked about patience and a good reply given:

Question: Does TRUE patience mean that I must endure without generating negative emotions?

Answer: Patience is the ability to withhold decision to act. It is a deliberate decision to wait instead of the paralyzing indecision that comes from procrastination. Apart from the wisdom to know when the time is ripe to act, it also demands self confidence and hope to retain a positive frame of mind to ensure that the eventual decision doesn't suffer in quality due to either stress or worry or even too much eagerness.... procrastination results from lack of confidence.

During the patient wait, the mind is actively assimilating and analyzing all aspects including the impact and implications of related events as they are unfolding so as to ensure that the process of decision moves forward rather than getting stuck into circular or pendulum-like stagnation as is the case with procrastination.

Patience does not simply postpone a decision for fear of facing its consequences.... it holds it back in order to give sufficient time to progress and it is taking into account the need for the various factors of the situation to show up and develop fully so as to avoid preemptive, presumptive or half-baked decisions.

It's not patience if there is any negative emotion or attitude.... that would be forbearance or timidity.  If you get all riled up and just not act on it, it is still impatience that is happening internally; you just chose not to reveal that you were impatient externally.

We live in a fast-paced society in a fast-paced world. Everything seems to be whirling around us. The days seem to move swiftly, the seasons seem to change before we get to enjoy it and the year seems to go by so fast that we say “WWHHEEWW! What was that?!”

We have fast-food restaurants, drive-through banks, microwaveable food, instant coffee and other foods, DSL, IM, etc… We have gotten so spoiled and used to the fast life. We become impatient with our children, our spouse, our employees, the driver on the road that didn’t go as soon as the light turned green, etc.  So, when something that causes us to have to wait occurs, especially if it is an unexpected wait, it is an annoyance to us because we have forgotten how to be patient. We have gotten in a situation of expecting immediate gratification.

We don't always get instant gratification, and some of the best things in life require years of hard work and waiting. Fortunately, patience is a state of mind.  It is a virtue that can be cultivated and nurtured; Therefore, it is also a choice.  You choose whether you will be patient or not.  It will not be easy but you can train yourself to learn how to be patient.

This week we will discuss on what we can do to identify where we are impatient and ways to increase our patience.

A New Way Of Speaking - Part 3

How To Keep Open Communication

The examples below are in a work setting but is not specifically only in dealing with a work setting.  It is relevant for most situations. 

Which would you prefer?

Example 1:

An employee barges into the boss’s office without knocking. He frowns and raises his voice as he immediately begins to rail on her for not giving him the raise he thinks that he is worthy of.  As she already knew that he would be angry from previous experience with him, she is prepared for the confrontation.  "The pay isn’t good enough, why can’t I have a wage increase!"  "My office is so small it is like a broom closet!"  "I can’t do the work I want to do because of the assistant you gave me gets in the way instead of helping!"  "People here don’t respect me but if I was a manager they wouldn’t have any choice!"  "It is not fair that you chose… to be the manager instead of me!"  I was here longer than…!" An argument ensues as she tries to explain his shortcomings in his job.  Her words are harder than necessary because of the prating of malicious words he gives her.  He has the possibility of losing his job because of his behavior and disrespect for his employer and co-workers.

Example 2:

An employee comes to the door of the boss’s office and knocks.  He waits to be invited in.  He has concern showing on his face and asks the boss if he could speak with her for a moment.  She invites him to have a seat.  He enters and she asks what she can do for him.  He expresses his disappointment at not getting the managing position and raise.  The boss already knew that they would have this talk but she didn’t mind as she knew that he was an understanding and patient man.  She explains to him why he didn’t get the new managerial position and then lets him know what improvements that he can do in his work that can assist him in possibly getting the next raise.  He gets along well with his assistant because he speaks to her with respect.  He shows her how he wants her help in the job they are doing.  People in the office respect him because he is cool headed and thinks before he speaks.  The boss let's him know that if those things aforementioned are accomplished, then he will be eligible for the next promotion and raise.  He maintains his job, his respect, and has good prospects of a possible advancement in his career in the future.

Behavior that will close the doors on a conversation:

   * Railing and bringing accusations – closes any possible civil communication.

   * Complaining with anger and coarse words – causes argument and defense.

   * Hurling insults – closes the doors to listening and causes arguments.

   * Throwing blame – throws up walls of defense for the person receiving the blame.

   * Casting ultimatums - more than likely bring an undesired outcome for you.

   * Yelling and shouting – brings additional arguing and shouting with no positive outcome.

Behavior that will keep the doors of communication open:

   * Speak to others with respect, even when there is a problem – It gains their respect and their willingness to listen and understand.

   * Sometimes speak humbly and other times boldly (doesn’t me to be overbearing), depending on the situation – It gains understanding that there is something to talk about and a willingness to listen.

   * Say what you mean and not expect people to read between the lines – If you are clear, precise, and respectful, you will get your point across.

   * Tell what the matter or situation is without personal derogatory remarks or blame – This will keep the person willing to listen and not raise up their defense.

   * Be willing to also listen to what they have to say – You don’t know everything so don’t act like you do.  Listening to them will give you a better understanding of where they are coming from.

   * Don’t interrupt while they are speaking – Interrupting is usually a precursor to an argument.  If you don’t interrupt, they will see that you are also willing to listen and will be more considerate to your request.

   * Try to work together – This will bring a more desirable outcome.

   * Be willing to compromise – This is necessary in dealing with both parties to come to an agreement.

Everything in life is not black and white.  Life is just not that simple especially where people are involved.  So, seek peace and pursue it to the best of your ability.  Be an example to your co-worker(s) and employer(s) in your work morals and ethics along with your behavior, attitude, and speech.  You will find that when you do this, many people will come to befriend you, to seek advice, to talk, to just hang out, they will see you as someone they can confide in and gain wisdom from, they will see you as a leader.  So... BE THAT LEADER.

Join me again next week as we cover other great topics to create a new state of mind.