"The Process of Forgiveness"
I was cleaning off my desk and came across a paper of sermon notes that I wanted to share with you today. It was about forgiving and the process in how to accomplish it. I found it very helpful for me and I hope that it helps you as well.
First of all, why do we need to forgive others? Forgiveness is not only for the person that we are forgiving, it is for our own sake. When we don't forgive and hold anger, emotional pain, and hurt in, we destroy our mental health and our physical health. We begin to get sick with different illness and some diseases... just think of the word disease... DIS... EASE. You are not at ease. It can also affect our mental health as we continuously dwell on the situation. Have you ever thought of a situation and dwelled on it and allowed it to go over and over in your mind and each time you did... you became more angry and more hurt and you thought of what other possible hurts that person has done in the past or will do in the future and you begin to think of the worst outcome of things. It can cause depression as well. Excessive anger serves as a numbing agent emotionally and cognitively. When we allow ourselves to stay angry, our brain causes the body to release STRESS hormones, Adrenaline and Noradrenaline. When we fail to recognize and understand our levels of anger, it leads to problems. Anger is correlated with heart disease. Stress and anger compromises the functions of the body and jeopardizes the brain's ability to slow down.
Is it ok to get angry? Yes, It is normal to get angry for a reason. The bible says, "Be ye angry and sin not, neither let the sun go down on your anger. Neither give place to the devil." If you have a reason for the anger, there is nothing wrong with that. The problem is when you are holding on to it and either refuse, or don't know how to let it go. So, I hope this process helps you as it has helped me.
The Process of Forgiveness:
1. Don't deny the feelings of hurt or anger
2. Make a conscious decision to forgive the person... and say it out loud.
3. Think differently about that person. - Ask God to take every thought about that person captive to the obedience of Christ.
4. Accept the pain so that you do NOT pass it on
5. Think about how you feel when you let go of burdens.
6. Seek meaning in suffering your experience.
7. See the offender as a tool. Why? It will help you to grow.
8. Realize the paradox of forgiveness... you are experiencing forgiveness.
Forgiveness:
1. Acknowledgement
2. Changes you from Victim to Victor
3. Makes sense for those who need it
4. It is the only road to freedom
5. Jesus commands it
How do we forgive?
1. Acknowledge the deed, the pain, anger, and hurt
2. Surrender all of it to the Lord
3. Seek the real person, if possible, and talk to them of the situation that has caused the offense. Tell them how it made you feel. Who knows, they may not have even realized the damage that they've done. (Warning: They may, or may not apologize or make things right. You are forgiving them, whether they apologize or not... FOR YOUR SAKE so that you are not giving them power over you any longer!)
4. Desire good things for the offender
5. Enjoy a healing relationship
6. Make peace with them
7. Pray for them - When you can truly pray for the person that has offended you... and mean it, you know that you have truly forgiven them, because you have learned to love even your enemy.
8. Once the previous steps are done, don't bring it up to yourself or to the person or others
9. Once you forgive, and ask God to forgive them, don't bring it up to God anymore either
10. There is no such thing as forgive and FORGET, unless you have amnesia! But, it is not forgetting the deed. It is fully surrendering the deed and the pain, anger, and hurt to God and then allowing yourself to be healed of it so that you are then able to forget the anger, pain, and hurt it caused you and are able to move on with your life, no longer allowing unforgiveness to hold you back.
Do you have unforgiving heart? Ask God to help you with it right now. He can you know... And He will deliver you from that oppressive spirit. All you have to do is ask and be willing to surrender it. Won't you surrender it today?