Do We Truly Do For Ourselves And For Our Families Pt #2

Do We Do For Ourselves AND For Our Families?… Or Do We Let (Cause) Others To Do It?

What do you think?  How are you in taking care of self AND others?  Not well enough because of laziness, carelessness, low self-esteem, busyness, and/or other factors?

It is important to have balance in this, especially if we live with others in a household.

We talked about the extreme of over-control of things.  Now we are going in the other direction in being careless in dealing with ourselves.  There are many factors involved here from self-esteem issues to abuse to insecurity, etc.  However, all the same, it still exists for whatever reason.  The results are someone who doesn’t take care of themselves either outwardly or inwardly or both.  They may say things like “I got what I deserve”, “I’m no good and worthless”, “That’s what I get”, “No one else loves me so why should I”, “who cares”, even “I don’t deserve any better” idea.  Even though these words don’t come out of their mouths all the time, occasionally it does or they may think it and their actions show it.  A person may never pick up after themselves just because of laziness.  However, perhaps they also don’t do it because of the “who cares” attitude.

Overall, there must be a balance to caring for yourself and others who you are responsible for.  Let’s look at the steps below.

Steps to accomplish a balanced “Doing For Ourselves WHILE Doing For Others”

              -           Meet together to consider everyone’s needs in the planning…

                                     Ask and converse openly to find out what their needs are.

              -           Set a plan to include all others’ needs in the household… including 

                                     children.  Be sure that everyone is a part of the planning process.

              -            Prioritize the list of duties.

              -           Don’t try to do it all yourself.

              -           Ask for help.

              -           Give choices of what can be done.  

                                     For example:  not everyone can balance a budget.

              -           Be fair in the duties, you do the hard and/or dirty work too.

              -           Be clear and concise in what needs to be done.  

                                     For example:  Someone else may need to look for work outside of

                                     the home while another person just take care of the laundry.  So, 

                                     let them know exactly what is needed.

              -           Don’t micro-supervise…

              -           Don’t supervise if he or she is an adult.

              -           Don’t constantly look over the shoulder.

              -           Allow them autonomy to choose how they want to accomplish the task.

              -           Don’t tread on other’s work, thoughts, and opinions by helping and 

                                     offering advice when your help or advice wasn't asked for and 

                                     wasn't wanted or needed.

              -           Be sure that you are not the ONLY one supervising the kids but other

                                      adults have responsibility in supervising them also.

              -           Be sure that you are not ONLY the supervising but that you are also

                                      working HANDS-ON with the others.

              -                     When tasks are accomplished, check them off of the list, give kudos, show

                                      others the accomplishments that were made so that everyone 

                                      knows the success that they all are causing in dealing with the 

                                      goals that you have made together.

Remember, this is not just for families but businesses also.  In business be sure to take care of your responsibilities first, then if you can, lift up a co-worker by offering your assistance.  If you are working on a project together, be sure to follow the list above as it works just as well with some alterations.

Basically it comes down to working together.  When you are dealing with a family, don’t try to do everything for yourself and don’t allow others to do everything for you.  Balance it out so that you all are working together doing what is necessary for a healthy and happy home.

Join me again next time as we continue to add more informative self-help articles for everyday living.

Do We Truly Do For Ourselves And For Our Families

Do We Truly Do For Ourselves AND For Our Families?… Or Do We Let OR Cause Others To Do It For Us?

Too often we either do for ourselves and neglect family OR do for our families and neglect self.  What do you think?  How are you in taking care of self?  Too well where it becomes selfishness because of the “Me First” attitude or the “god” complex?  Not well enough because of laziness, carelessness and/or other factors?

It is important to have balance in this, especially if we live with others in a household.

I was watching "The Drs" show last week and they talked about helping yourselves at home.  They talked about how too often when we go to the doctor we ask for a pill to take care of the problem when we could do something at home that will do just as well without the pill.  In other words… What can you do for me instead of what can I do for myself.  I thought that it was so relevant… not just in health but in all aspects of everyday life.

We are going to touch on the “selfish, me first, god complex” attitude today.  Too often we either go to one extreme or the other.  For example:  Being selfish is a “me first” attitude.  No one can have the bigger or the best and he or she better not get it first.  When you are dealing with a “god” complex it is usually a case where the attitude is “what I say goes” and “it doesn’t matter what others think or their opinion”, “I am right and everyone else is wrong”, “I am perfect”, “I deserve the best and therefore I should get the best… first.” “Your thoughts, opinions, feelings, accomplishments don’t matter because I do better and am more important.”  Now, while these things aren’t usually spoken out loud, they are felt very often by someone with this attitude whether they want to admit it or not.

Then, we go the other direction in being careless in dealing with ourselves.  There are many factors involved here from self-esteem issues to abuse to insecurity, etc.  However, all the same, it still exists for whatever reason.  A person who thinks this way will exhibit symptoms and these symptoms may be in not caring for themselves either outwardly or sometimes even inwardly.  They may say things like “I got what I deserve”, “I’m no good and worthless”, “That’s what I get”, “No one else loves me so why should I”, “who cares”, even “they owe me this” idea.  Even though these words don’t come out of their mouths, they may think it and their actions may express it.  A person may never pick up after themselves just because of laziness.  However, perhaps they also don’t do it because of the “who cares” attitude.

Question:  How do we make sure that we don’t go from one extreme to the other? 

Good question.

If there are any mental or psychological issues involved then those need to be cared for first.  You see, your state of mind has to be balanced.  If there are mental or psychological factors, it will make it most difficult to work it out because how you think is how you will behave.  Your thoughts decide your actions.  For those who have a generally healthy state of mind but is just a little on one of the extremes then it is something where we have to examine self and situation and truly see who and what we are without trying to deceive ourselves or make excuses or defend ourselves of why we behave in a certain way.  We must begin by holding ourselves accountable to the actions that we perform and the words we say.  Practice makes perfect.

Sometimes, when we live with others, we leave all of the burdens on them or the other extreme, we don’t allow them to help in carrying the burdens.  This is a mistake and a detriment to our health and to the health of relationships around us.  Everyone needs to be needed… to be of use… to be helpful.  Everyone also needs rest… carefree times… and help at one time or another.  No one is an island unto himself or herself… no, not even a peninsula!  What we choose to be, do, or say affects everyone we come in contact with.

When we do everything ourselves our family members feel useless.  They may not realize it at the time but it causes feelings of worthlessness.  They need to help out with the cares of your lives together so that they can truly feel like a part of it.  Things are more valued when you have to put something into it versus when it is just given to you.  When your blood, sweat, and tears are put into something, you hold a much higher value to it… even to the point of pricelessness sometimes. The same idea works in a family and relational bonds are formed by working together instead of one person trying to do it all either by choice or because no one else will pitch in.

Join me again as we talk about the other extreme “Do We Do For Ourselves and for our Families” Part 2.  There will be a list of steps that can be done to accomplish a balanced “doing for ourselves”.