Impatience - Part 1

There have been songs sung about patience, album titles and bands named after the word, an opera named after it also known as Bunthorne's Bride, plays written about the word, poems written, a game named after it also known as “solitaire”.  We name our children after it.  In fact, it is a female given name, a virtue name first used by Puritans in the sixteenth century, and then there are phrases like “patience is a virtue”.  With as much as the word patience is used, the true meaning behind it is rarely understood.  We are impatient people living in an impatient world.

Let’s understand a little better about what PATIENCE is, why it is so important to have and utilize, and how IMPATIENCE can be a defeat in your life preventing you from living life victoriously.

A question was asked about patience and a good reply given:

Question: Does TRUE patience mean that I must endure without generating negative emotions?

Answer: Patience is the ability to withhold decision to act. It is a deliberate decision to wait instead of the paralyzing indecision that comes from procrastination. Apart from the wisdom to know when the time is ripe to act, it also demands self confidence and hope to retain a positive frame of mind to ensure that the eventual decision doesn't suffer in quality due to either stress or worry or even too much eagerness.... procrastination results from lack of confidence.

During the patient wait, the mind is actively assimilating and analyzing all aspects including the impact and implications of related events as they are unfolding so as to ensure that the process of decision moves forward rather than getting stuck into circular or pendulum-like stagnation as is the case with procrastination.

Patience does not simply postpone a decision for fear of facing its consequences.... it holds it back in order to give sufficient time to progress and it is taking into account the need for the various factors of the situation to show up and develop fully so as to avoid preemptive, presumptive or half-baked decisions.

It's not patience if there is any negative emotion or attitude.... that would be forbearance or timidity.  If you get all riled up and just not act on it, it is still impatience that is happening internally; you just chose not to reveal that you were impatient externally.

We live in a fast-paced society in a fast-paced world. Everything seems to be whirling around us. The days seem to move swiftly, the seasons seem to change before we get to enjoy it and the year seems to go by so fast that we say “WWHHEEWW! What was that?!”

We have fast-food restaurants, drive-through banks, microwaveable food, instant coffee and other foods, DSL, IM, etc… We have gotten so spoiled and used to the fast life. We become impatient with our children, our spouse, our employees, the driver on the road that didn’t go as soon as the light turned green, etc.  So, when something that causes us to have to wait occurs, especially if it is an unexpected wait, it is an annoyance to us because we have forgotten how to be patient. We have gotten in a situation of expecting immediate gratification.

We don't always get instant gratification, and some of the best things in life require years of hard work and waiting. Fortunately, patience is a state of mind.  It is a virtue that can be cultivated and nurtured; Therefore, it is also a choice.  You choose whether you will be patient or not.  It will not be easy but you can train yourself to learn how to be patient.

This week we will discuss on what we can do to identify where we are impatient and ways to increase our patience.

A New Way Of Speaking - Part 3

How To Keep Open Communication

The examples below are in a work setting but is not specifically only in dealing with a work setting.  It is relevant for most situations. 

Which would you prefer?

Example 1:

An employee barges into the boss’s office without knocking. He frowns and raises his voice as he immediately begins to rail on her for not giving him the raise he thinks that he is worthy of.  As she already knew that he would be angry from previous experience with him, she is prepared for the confrontation.  "The pay isn’t good enough, why can’t I have a wage increase!"  "My office is so small it is like a broom closet!"  "I can’t do the work I want to do because of the assistant you gave me gets in the way instead of helping!"  "People here don’t respect me but if I was a manager they wouldn’t have any choice!"  "It is not fair that you chose… to be the manager instead of me!"  I was here longer than…!" An argument ensues as she tries to explain his shortcomings in his job.  Her words are harder than necessary because of the prating of malicious words he gives her.  He has the possibility of losing his job because of his behavior and disrespect for his employer and co-workers.

Example 2:

An employee comes to the door of the boss’s office and knocks.  He waits to be invited in.  He has concern showing on his face and asks the boss if he could speak with her for a moment.  She invites him to have a seat.  He enters and she asks what she can do for him.  He expresses his disappointment at not getting the managing position and raise.  The boss already knew that they would have this talk but she didn’t mind as she knew that he was an understanding and patient man.  She explains to him why he didn’t get the new managerial position and then lets him know what improvements that he can do in his work that can assist him in possibly getting the next raise.  He gets along well with his assistant because he speaks to her with respect.  He shows her how he wants her help in the job they are doing.  People in the office respect him because he is cool headed and thinks before he speaks.  The boss let's him know that if those things aforementioned are accomplished, then he will be eligible for the next promotion and raise.  He maintains his job, his respect, and has good prospects of a possible advancement in his career in the future.

Behavior that will close the doors on a conversation:

   * Railing and bringing accusations – closes any possible civil communication.

   * Complaining with anger and coarse words – causes argument and defense.

   * Hurling insults – closes the doors to listening and causes arguments.

   * Throwing blame – throws up walls of defense for the person receiving the blame.

   * Casting ultimatums - more than likely bring an undesired outcome for you.

   * Yelling and shouting – brings additional arguing and shouting with no positive outcome.

Behavior that will keep the doors of communication open:

   * Speak to others with respect, even when there is a problem – It gains their respect and their willingness to listen and understand.

   * Sometimes speak humbly and other times boldly (doesn’t me to be overbearing), depending on the situation – It gains understanding that there is something to talk about and a willingness to listen.

   * Say what you mean and not expect people to read between the lines – If you are clear, precise, and respectful, you will get your point across.

   * Tell what the matter or situation is without personal derogatory remarks or blame – This will keep the person willing to listen and not raise up their defense.

   * Be willing to also listen to what they have to say – You don’t know everything so don’t act like you do.  Listening to them will give you a better understanding of where they are coming from.

   * Don’t interrupt while they are speaking – Interrupting is usually a precursor to an argument.  If you don’t interrupt, they will see that you are also willing to listen and will be more considerate to your request.

   * Try to work together – This will bring a more desirable outcome.

   * Be willing to compromise – This is necessary in dealing with both parties to come to an agreement.

Everything in life is not black and white.  Life is just not that simple especially where people are involved.  So, seek peace and pursue it to the best of your ability.  Be an example to your co-worker(s) and employer(s) in your work morals and ethics along with your behavior, attitude, and speech.  You will find that when you do this, many people will come to befriend you, to seek advice, to talk, to just hang out, they will see you as someone they can confide in and gain wisdom from, they will see you as a leader.  So... BE THAT LEADER.

Join me again next week as we cover other great topics to create a new state of mind.

A New Way Of Speaking - Part 2

Are You Thankful For What You Possess Or What Someone Has Done?

Are you truly grateful and thankful for what you already have or for what someone has done for you?  Have you expressed that thanks?  So often we get caught up in what we don’t have that we forget to analyze what we do have and to be thankful for it.  Being thankful opens the doors for more blessings to be received. 

You gain more bees with honey and more stings with insults!

If we complain constantly about what isn’t right in our lives, we will lose friends and family and will probably make enemies. People don’t want to hear it! They have enough problems in their own lives than to constantly hear someone rant and rave about why their life isn’t right all of the time.

Does this mean that you shouldn’t speak with anyone about problems that you have?

Of Course It Doesn’t Mean That!

We all need a way of release. You should have friends or a counselor that you can talk to about any of your problems. BUT, do it without complaining. If you are going around complaining all of the time and that is the way you speak… You Need To Learn A New Way Of Speaking! You must learn how to speak in a positive form in order to change your life.

Choose to see the glass as half full instead of half empty!

As you learn to speak positively… even if you don’t feel it at the time… just speak it. You will eventually begin to believe what you are saying and will think more positively. As your thoughts become changed to more positive thoughts, you will begin to behave in a more positive way because… as you think… you will do.  Instead of breaking down people, you will be building them up.

As your behavior becomes more positive, your life will be changed into a more positive and desirable outcome and you will keep your friends and probably gain new ones, you will keep your family and they will be happier for the change.

Try a NEW way of speaking today!

Join me next week as we go over how to keep open communication.

A New Way Of Speaking - Part 1

It is no wonder that we have one mouth and 2 ears. We should listen twice as much as we speak. But, when we speak, we should know how to speak so that those who hear, including ourselves, may be uplifted and encouraged instead of insulted broken down and crushed.

Which would you prefer?  You choose.

Example 1:

A man comes home after a hard days work and as he enters the door, his wife lights into him. Why are you 15 minutes late coming home! You work too hard and never want to spend time with me! My clothes are old, I need new clothes, can’t you earn more money so I can get them! Look at this house we live in, it is too small, it isn’t what the Joneses live in! Why can’t we have a car like theirs!

Example 2:

A man comes home after a hard days work and as he enters the door, his wife lights him up with a smile. How was your day honey? You must have worked long and hard. I missed you. I dressed up just for you. I thank God for our home and car because I know that many people don’t have that blessing.  Thank you for working so hard.


When a man OR woman comes home from work, they are usually tired and the last thing they want is to be complained to. They know their financial status and that there isn’t enough money to buy nice things and the old things are getting older and tattered. They don’t need to be reminded.  That is why they are working so hard. 

They want peace and quite for a while to be able to wind down.  If you approach them with an attitude and a problem, they are not going to be as open to talk about it as soon as they walk through the door and especially not when it deals with arguing as the way of speaking.

Give them their wind down time and pick another time to talk about the problems.  Speak peacefully and positive to them, speaking words of thankfulness and appreciation and love.

As you do this, you will change your relationship for the better and have a more positive state of mind.

Join me again this week as we go over "How To Speak".

Crucibles - Part 2

Going Through A Crucible?

     In your crucible, you will have surprises, sometimes painful ones. They could be accident related, health related, spiritual related, etc… We all will experience different types of surprises. Often we think of surprise as a pleasant thing but it isn’t always. We often put everything that feels good in the box that is good for us and everything that feels bad in a box that is bad for us. Life is not that simple. Sometimes, the things that feel bad is actually good for us and the things that feel good is actually bad for us.

     When we experience these surprises, we must be aware of the reality and the power of our enemy, don’t ever get discouraged. Do not re-act to a situation but, instead, act accordingly. Why? Because everything that we do has consequences. If you put ice out in the sun it will melt. If you put your hand in a fire, you will get burned. There is always cause and effect throughout our lives… they work together. We reap what we sow. There are results for our behavior.

     We seem to think that Someone will always intervene immediately to remove the pain that results from our own actions. Many times, we experience the consequences of our own actions in order that we may understand how deeply damaging and offensive our behavior is.

     Let’s take the laws about our health for example. If we abuse our bodies by failing to eat healthfully or exercise, or if we regularly overwork, this will damage and break down our bodies as a result.

Crucible of Purification:

There are 3 reasons why refining and testing may feel like a crucible.

1. We experience pain as circumstances bring wrong doing to our attention.

2. We experience anguish as we feel sorry for the wrong doing we now have done.

3. We experience frustration as we try to right the wrong we have done and to live differently.

Crucible of Maturity:

It can be quite uncomfortable and difficult to keep choosing to give up the things that have been so much a part of us. But this pruning process must happen.

When pruning plants, we only cut off branches here and there so that they can develop into greater fruitfulness. To prune, you need a sharp object that will sever. In the same way, in a crucible, we are being trimmed here and trimmed there with a sharp instrument that is cutting away things that will keep us back from growing into the person we are to be and so that we are progressive and successful in our ways and blossom into someone better than we were before. Sure, it hurts. Yes, it is uncomfortable. And YES, it is necessary.

So, if you are going through a crucible journey, know that it isn’t for nothing and that it will come to an end depending on how much has to be cut away. Be patient, be strong, be diligent, be encouraged that you are becoming a better person with a better state of mind and you are closer to fulfilling your goals and preparing yourself to accomplish them.

Join me next week as we continue to cover things that change your state of mind for the best.

Decide-Act-Change

Crucibles - Part 1

T H E   C R U C I B L E !

No Body Said That It Would Be Easy!

Every one of us has to go through some type of crucible in our lives at one time or another or multiple times.  It is what we do in the midst of the crucible and how we come through it that will decide what kind of person we will be and what lies ahead of us.  What is a crucible?  A crucible is a severe test of your patience and belief.  It is a place or situation in which concentrated forces interact to cause or influence change or development.  This crucible journey isn’t a pleasant one because it challenges everything you think you are BUT it is necessary.

Imagine that you are on a path that is stretching way out before you out into the distance.  You don’t see the end but you know that the end of your crucible journey, to get where you want to be, is there.  As you check it out closer, you see some areas where the path roughly goes up into a mountainous peak, then other times, it goes down, into a desperate valleys.  You see that it branches off and zigzags.   At the zig and the zag there are ridges where the path breaks off and danger lies ahead.  You see others in your life on this path, some leading you one way, some another way… there is only one right path, so which way do you go to reach the desired end?

The right path is called the right path because it leads you to the right destination… your goal or where you want to go.  It is also called the right path because it keeps you in harmony with the right Person… God.  It is also called the right path because it trains you to be the right kind of person and then it is called the right path because it gives you the right history to be able to share with others who are struggling on their crucible paths as well.

How Do We Get Through The Journey?

1. The Undesired Detour - The Valley – It would be nice to have a path that goes beautifully around soft grass with wildflowers, deer in the meadows, etc… however, this is not that type of path.  This path is a valley of danger that can either destroy you physically, mentally, emotionally, or even destroy your dreams, hopes, and goals of what you want to accomplish.  This path is not a good place to visit but it is necessary.  It is a valley, so flashfloods may come, snow storms and blizzards, it has ravines, wadis, it is narrow and at times, no light comes through because of how deep the valley can get.

During this time, you may experience fear, trepidation, anxiety, insecurity, unsurety, etc… You have trouble making decisions during that time.   However, this valley is necessary for all of us to go through in order to learn not to be afraid.

2. People in your life – Throughout our lives we will inevitably have enemies.  How we deal with them makes all the difference.  On your path, you see people in your life, loved ones and enemies.  Love ones may mean well and may try to pull you off of the path.  Some will encourage you to stay on the path that you are on.  Enemies who mean you harm may try to pull you off the path.  Keeping our eyes on the prize of our goal(s) and focusing on staying on that path is important.  Enemies will get in the way to distract you.  If possible, destroy that enemy by making him your friend.  Otherwise, don’t return hate for hate, just keep on moving towards your goal.  Surround yourself with people who will encourage you to continue moving forward to reach your goal.

3. Carry promises on your journey or Positive Affirmations – When we are in the valley and surrounded by enemies, it is tempting to believe and feel that we are alone… WE ARE NOT!  Feelings can be deceptive and during those times are when our faith and our loves ones come into play.  For those who are Christians, take Bible Promises with you on your journey and believe they are trustworthy.  Take the goodness of the loved ones with you on your journey to be nourishment for you on the way.  Bask in the sunlight of positive thinking and speaking.  Although you are continuing to pursue your goals on your journey, learn to have fun too!

4. Beware of the dangers of zig (lack of morals) and zag (lack of ethics).  They try to take you to your goal a back around way that will eventually lead you off into a deep ravine that you cannot climb out of, thus missing your true goal in the true form that you so strived for.

Those who are finally victorious will have seasons of terrible perplexity and trial in all aspects of their life.  But, do not cast away your confidence; this is a part of the discipline to grow you into your goal.  It is essential so that the dross will be strained away and the only thing left is the pure gold.  Because you overcame grievous taunts, obstacles, dangers, etc… with your morals and ethics still in tact, you are made stronger and more prepared to qualify for the goal that you have succeeded in and are now mature enough to handle the responsibilities of its success.

Keep looking up the mountain to the eventual ending of your quest.  Do not look back, do not look down.  Down just shows the difficulties that you had to overcome and you may slip back by taking your eyes off of the path.  You will have some loved ones who will give a helping hand, accept it.  You will have some friends that will give words of encouragement, gain simple confidence from it. 

As you continue and go further and further on your journey, being victorious over valleys, zig and zag through the crucible, you become more trustful and hopeful that you will reach the end.  Your character will be formed into one that is greatly desired and highly spoken of.  You will be uplifted, ennobled, and fit for the dream that you strove so hard for.  And in the end, the crucible would have been worth going through because of the outcome.

Join me again this week as we cover “Crucibles” Part - 2

Guidance When Making Decisions - Part 2

We all have to make decisions in every aspect of our lives.

We are continuing with the 4 remaining steps in dealing with guidance when making decisions.

5. Discover whether there are any ethical or moral principles involved in the decision you are going to make.

As moral and ethical agents, it is our duty to see things for what they are. If something requires you to tell little “white” lies… pass it up! If you have to fudge on your taxes… give it up! If you have to hide anything or not be quite honest… or if you are just embarrassed by doing it because of the ethics involved… then this is not something that you want to do or get into.

6. Seek wise counsel from experienced people.

When confused about making a decision, even after researching it and analyzing your own motives, seek help. There is nothing new under the sun. There are many people who are experienced in what you are trying to decide. Look to those who are successful in that field or in that decision. Don’t look to those who failed because you want to look up… not down… you want to move up… not down… so you look to those who have progressed and are succeeding in what you are considering. They will be able to tell you their ups and downs and what to watch out for and whether you are even the type of person to be able to do this. They can also give you counsel on what the best route is to your success.

7. Look for providences – divinely ordained circumstances that indicate which way you should go.

These “providences” are like sign posts helping us in the process of the decision. They DO NOT take the place of morals, ethics, God, sound judgment or good common sense. They just assist us in the decision making process.

There was a time when I sang only to myself. Many people heard me and would say that I am meant to be an evangelist of music. I would just “pshaw” them off and wouldn’t sing for the Lord. 10 years I refused to sing in public for God. Over that time, many “providences” happened, recording artists would comment about me possibly singing professionally, circumstances would make it where that was the only thing that I had left that I could physically do, doors opened to sing, etc… I finally listened and have been singing publicly now for over 10 years and I know that it is my calling to sing Christian music professionally. So, now, I go around to wherever God calls…. A church calls me, a bakery, whatever, and I sing because I know that that is what I am meant to do.

What is it that you are meant to do?

8. When all the steps have been done and you have prayed about a decision, you have thought about it carefully, sought counsel, and watched for providential leadings, make the wisest decision possible believing that you are being lead in the right path.

Decisions must be made in every part of our lives.  Don't put it off, don't fret, don't panic.  Use the steps above to assist you and then make the decisions that need to be made knowing that you have done your very best and walk in faith of that decision.

Join me next week as we learn about "Crucibles", what they are and how to deal with them when we are in them.