Guidance When Making Decisions - Part 1

We all have to make decisions all through every part of our lives. 

We make decisions on what we will eat, drink and wear, what we will drive or ride, what job we work at, whether we are going out or not… life is full of decisions.

However, there are some decisions that can affect us for the rest of our lives.  For example, the person we marry, having children, health decisions, etc…  Well, when we need to make decisions, how do we know that we are making the right decision?  And how do we not fall into the trap of indecision?

Below, I will give 8 steps in dealing with guidance when making decisions.

1. Be wise about the decision you are making. In other words, do research on whatever it is that you are making a decision on so that you are informed about it/him/her and can make an educated decision.  Do not just make a decision because you think it is right or it feels good… feelings can be deceptive… do your research.

A single parent needed to make money to live off of and to survive for the sake of himself and his children that he had custody of.  He had a bit of money put away for rent but after that, there was nothing left.  He lost his job.  He heard about a great business opportunity and went to the seminar.  Everything was absolutely amazing and they can even starting earning money within one week of signing up.  The downfall… it cost $1250 to signup… but it had great financial benefits that would get this man out the situation that he and his children are in.  He decided to sign up without researching this company because the people seemed nice and he felt as though it was a good business and they even had copies of checks to show him that they earned.  Well, he paid his $1250 from the rent money he had saved and later found out that the company was a scam.  He lost the little bit of savings he had and they were evicted.  This type of thing happens frequently.  If he had researched the company on the Better Business Bureau, he would have found the information that would have prevented him from giving his last money away.

2. Analyze your motives to discover why you want to do this or that.

Sometimes, we do things for the wrong reason.  We may do it for family, friends, or loved ones instead of for ourselves.  We may do it for riches, fame and fortune, instead of because it is the right or best thing to do.  If you take the time not to make a hasty decision but to think things through and think about why you want to do this or that, you will be surprised that you may decide NOT to do it because it wouldn’t be the BEST thing for you.

3. Use your previous experience with this or that.

We all have things that we have experienced and have gained knowledge and wisdom from.  Use your experience to make the best decision possible.  Learn to listen to yourself. If something inside of you is telling you that this is a bad investment… it probably is!  If there is something that seems to be wrong but you can’t quite put your finger on it… don't do it... it is your inner gut telling you that something is wrong... LISTEN!  If it seems like it is too good to be true… it probably is!

4. Pray about your choices and ask for God’s leading.  Then believe that you will be guided to make the right decision.

As a Christian it is important to know that we are on the path that God means for us to be on according to His will.   So, it is important to talk to Him and ask Him to open your eyes to His leading.

Join me again this week as we go over "Guidance When Making Decisions" - Part 2

Facing Fear - Part 6

Today I would like to share a personal experience that has just happened this weekend in dealing with ANXIETY.

Years ago there was a woman who will we call “Marcia” (fake name) who was diagnosed with congestive heart failure and given only 2 years to live. Well it has been almost 10 years since that diagnosis and she is still alive.

This weekend however, she was taken to the emergency room in dealing with the congestive heart failure, which also prompted an anxiety attack. She is fine now and recovering. When I visited her we began talking and she mentioned her childhood... something that she has never mentioned to me before though I have known her all of my life. She informed me that she had anxiety panic attacks since she was a little girl and she never would tell anyone about them because they wouldn’t understand and they would think that she was crazy. She said that when the panic attacks occurred she felt as if she was dying or going crazy. 

I personally have experience with anxiety disorder, so I told her my experience. I would have anxiety attacks so badly that I had to be taken to the emergency room, lips and nail beds blue due to hyperventilation. I couldn't breath and felt as though I was dying! These attacks that caused me to be taken to the emergency room didn't happen often, but they did happened. However, the regular anxiety attacks that weren’t as severe happened frequently. I was put on anti-anxiety meds as needed. I took them temporarily and then eventually refused to take them because I knew that there had to be a better way to conquer this problem.

I talked with Marcia who is now 81 years old and who has lived with this disorder all of her life. I told her how I was able to overcome and take control of those situations when they arose. I told her that I had received counseling and received helpful tools in dealing with the anxiety attacks from a Christian counselor; the tools which I thought might help her. One of the empowerment tools that this counselor gave me was the ability to refocus my mind. If I could just get my mind off of the attack and off of myself, then I might just be able to overcome it with out medication and emergency room help.

Marcia said that she has heard that kind of stuff before and it doesn't work for her. Well, I was curious, so I boldly asked her whether she ever tried what I shared with her or has she ever tried the relaxation techniques or ever tried doing ANYTHING that she heard people talk about that has helped them in dealing with anxiety... her answer... NO! So, I was even more curious as to what she meant by “It doesn’t work for me” if she has never tried anything to help herself with the anxiety. She was basically saying that she doesn’t think it will work for her; therefore, she is not willing to even try it.

Now viewers, the question is will you allow yourself to live all of your life in bondage to fear and anxiety or will you do something about it? That is the decision you must make. Even some of the simplest things may help you to overcome fear and anxiety. There is help out there and there is information out there. The question is, will you allow fear and anxiety to master over you or will you put the knowledge and tools to use that is literally at your fingertips to help yourself overcome and be victorious?


Below, I have listed one of the tools that have helped me to overcome the anxiety attacks that plagued me.

1. Take slow deep breaths, inhaling and exhaling as normal as possible.

2. Close your eyes and listen. Verbally, out loud, identify up to 10 things that you hear.  i.e.: children playing.

3. Continue taking slow deep breaths, inhaling and exhaling as evenly as possible.

4. Repeat the steps identifying other things until calm.

By performing these steps, my fear and anxiety diminished, my thoughts cleared, my breathing leveled out normally, my heart rate slowed back down to normal and I was just exhausted from the whole experience and slept.

These steps were not anything magic; they were a way to cause me to take my mind off of "self" and the crisis. It caused me to focus on something outside of myself. I had to practice it frequently first beforehand so that I was prepared for when the attack came. It worked for me.

As a matter of fact, it worked so well that I eventually just started distracting myself by doing other things. I love to play scrabble and compete with my friend. So, knowing that I was having an anxiety attack, she would just grab the scrabble game and we would focus on spelling words for scrabble. It is about removing the thoughts from one place and focusing the mind on something that is more pleasant to you. The steps are easy to do when not under an attack; it is more difficult if you wait until an attack comes on before you try it. However, it still works.

Now, if 9 times out of 10 the worst never happens, then why are we so afraid of the worst happening and allow that to paralyze us as if we heard the lion's roar? It is time to stand up and face our fears. We must fight in order to overcome. Don't live in a life of dread, anxiety, and trepidation.

Live a life of high expectation, joy, and boldness. Try the steps mentioned above when you are afraid or anxious. It has worked for me; it might work for you also.

Facing Fear - Part 5

I read an article from a man whose name I don't remember.  However, I want to share it with you because I found it to be so realistic and relevant in dealing with handling fear.  His was evidently the fear of speaking up.  This man says:

"So I started to really, really listen and observe how people looked so natural. I slowly stepped forward and started talking, I built up my confidence and soon talking became so much more natural. I reflected back and realized the following:

I had put all the fear in to my own head. There were many people who felt the same way. I asked myself these key questions.

* What am I afraid of? 
* What's the worst thing that can happen if I speak up? 

I thought back to my childhood, what had happened all that time ago that could have affected me for so long.  It was quite simple really.  As a child I was told "children should be seen and not heard".  I was raised in a family where we were not allowed to have an opinion as children and if we said anything, "out of line" we were punished!  So I learned to "shut up".

Fast forward to adulthood, in my subconscious I still had the thought that if I said the wrong thing at the wrong time then it would cause conflict. I am still not a confrontational person, I love peace not war.   So instead of saying the wrong thing, I said nothing.  In a group or big crowd, I would so want to contribute so badly, but my fear kept me paralyzed. Until I asked myself those key questions:


* What am I afraid of ?
* What is the worst thing that can happen?

So I stepped outside of my comfort zone and took the first step.  I opened my mouth and talked!!  I have never looked back.  Now I can speak up in front of people, even in a crowd.  Saying that though, I still do not speak up if I feel there will be confrontation.  This is something I still need to learn to deal with and feel comfortable with.  I have no hesitation now asking a question or becoming involved in any conversation that I feel comfortable in.  In fact I am finding it fun and surprising myself by becoming quite the chatterbox!!

So ask yourself  "why can't I say what I really want to say"?  It is only sounds coming out of your mouth that make words.  Are you afraid of the words, or are you afraid of the consequences and what may occur if you say what you really want to?

Ask yourself  "what is the worst thing that can happen if I say this?"

Expect the best outcome (9/10 times the worst never ever happens) and Face your fear.  Speak up and feel the freedom. 

Specific phobias (excessive fear related to exposure to specific objects or situations) can affect up to one-third of the population at some point in their lives. Data released last year from a Stress and Health Study conducted nationally from January 2002 to August 2004 shows that 9.8% of Americans will suffer from agoraphobia (excessive anxiety about being in places or situations that may cause panic attacks) at some time in their lives and 2.8% will suffer from social phobia (the excessive fear of experiencing humiliation or embarrassment in a social context)."

Don't let phobias and fears rule and ruin your life.  Ask yourself those questions mentioned and see what the answer is and whether there is truly anything really to be so afraid of.

Join me this week as I share a personal experience that has just happened this past weekend in dealing with fear and anxiety.  Until then, remember that you have a strong mind of power and you decide how it will behave.

Facing Fear - Part 4

The Last 5 Steps In Being Proactive To Overcoming Our Fears. 

* Ending Unhealthy

Personal Relationships

Are you in a relationship that is unhealthy?  i.e.:  abusive, co-dependent, disrespectful, etc…  You need to get out of those types of relationships because they only bring you down and causes a negative outlook on your state of mind.  Of course, some relationships, like marriage, may just need a tweak in it, so you and your spouse will need to make some very necessary and important changes to get rid of the destructiveness in the relationship.  At times this may cause for marraige counseling.  Any abusive relationship should be cut-off.

* Making Important Habit Changes

Sometimes what we do habitually makes a negative impact on our outcome in life.  Instead of just stopping or getting rid of a bad habit, form a good habit to replace it.  Otherwise, it will be more difficult to have victory over that negative habit.  Also, sometimes the habit is not bad but it is just not positively productive for you.  In that case, you will still need to change it to fit you so that positive thinking and positive actions will be the result.

* Realizing That Change Is Not Your Enemy But Can Be Your Friend

I had trouble with change.  Not only because it was going to be hard but because I would have to step out of my comfort zone and deal with the unknown.  There would be some instability and thus it caused fear of change in my mind.  Change is not your enemy.  Change means that you have an opportunity for something better.  A better job, making a better living, a better home, better physical health, a better life.  Be willing to change for the better.

* Pursuing Goals And Dreams

It is a sorry and boring life for someone who doesn’t have goals and dreams.  They have an emptiness that is there that cannot be filled.  If you haven’t made a list of short-term and long-term dreams and goals, do so right now.  Write them on paper so that in six months, you can look back on them and hold yourself accountable of whether you have taken the necessary steps to begin fulfilling those dreams and goals that you have.  We must always have something that we can strive for even if it is only striving to be a better person and setting up goals to get there.  Want to live a certain lifestyle, in a certain house, driving a certain car, surrounding yourself with certain people, having a certain spiritual walk, certain job, certain outlook on life?  Write it down, speak it outloud and then pursue it.

*Behavioral Action

In conquering fear, it is all about making bold and positive decisions for yourself and converting them into a behavioral action that will cause you to take positive steps in the right directions toward being victorious in what you do.  In order to do that, we must be proactive in overcoming our fears.

Join me Friday as we cover the last part in being proactive to overcoming fear.  Until then, be strong, be courageous, and be willing to face your fears in order to change your state of mind thus changing your life.



Facing Fear - Part 3

Some of the steps necessary to evolve from a fear-based approach to a proactive, self-confident move forward are listed below.

* Managing fear – I want to share an embarrassing story with my readers. 

I do well with most creepy crawlers and critters and flying things.  However, MOTHS are my enemy.  I had become so afraid of them that it was detrimental to my health... SERIOUSLY... I did anything to get away from them.  Years ago I had been bound to a wheelchair and unable to support myself on my own 2 legs without assistance and one day as we were moving into the city... yes I lived in the country... I grabbed my mop doll hanging outside of my country home.  I shook it off and brought it into the van.  I proceeded to get into the van and buckled up the sorry excuse for a seat belt that I had.  The seatbelt didn't lock to prevent forward motion.  Well, as I was about to put the car in reverse to go down a steep hill, all of a sudden, a BABY moth flew out of the mop doll.  The irrational behaviour of mine, because of the fear, caused me to open my door and jump out of the van.  Well, next thing I know, I am hanging by that wretched seatbelt outside of the van in mid air unable to touch ground and unable to pull myself back in and all I could do was cry hysterically.  And even if I touched the ground, I would have been injured by the gravel road since I couldn't stand unassisted or run.  My daughter and others that were in the other car automatically knew that it was a bug, and they probably knew that it was a moth or a spider, which were my greatest fears that would bring that type of reaction.  They didn't even have to ask what it was, they knew.  I had to get assistance to get back into the van AFTER they cleared the baby moth out and took the mop doll into their car instead.

We must not let fear master us but we must manage it until we conquer it so as to not give it power over us or become our master.

* Making difficult and bold choices

Sometimes we make choices out of fear only because they are difficult, which shouldn’t be done because it usually isn’t a wise choice.  Instead, we must step out of our comfort zone and be bold to make the decisions that are necessary and best for us, even if we are afraid in dealing with what we will have to face.   50% of our fears that we have never come to fruition.

* Taking risks

At times you we will need to take risks, not unnecessary or life threatening risks… i.e. bungy jumping.   I mean risks that may be required for you to have a better quality of life and to live with a new state of mind.   For example: you may need to change jobs, schools, homes, make new friends that are different in type compared to your old friends, etc.  Do whatever it takes to be a better you.

* Being ready, willing and

able to face conflict

Since we are not an island unto ourselves, there will naturally be some kind of conflict that will develop between people.  Be ready, willing and able to face the conflict, not to fight the people, but to face the conflict that will occur.  Be ready, willing, able to work together to find a positive solution to a problem that you may have with someone or something.

* Developing a proactive attitude toward difficulties in life

When difficulties arise, instead of allowing them to paralyze you with fear, or causes you to be irrational in your behavior, be proactive in your attitude.  Do what is necessary that will allow you to overcome them.  If we don’t have difficulties then we will not grow. Just remember this… DIFFICULTIES are CHALLENGES that can be changed into VICTORIES!

Join me Wednesday as we cover the last 5 steps in being proactive to overcoming fear.  Until then, be strong, be courageous, and be willing to face your fears in order to change your state of mind.

Facing Fear - Part 2

Symptoms of Fight or Flight

  If a person is in danger the body assumes it will have to use the arms and legs to fight the danger or run away. In response, the fight or flight response causes blood flow to the arms and leg muscles to increase, to ensure that these muscles will get extra oxygen and nutrients. Thus it gives extraordinary strength to these limbs. 

          Have you ever heard of when someone

          is in a car accident and they had the

          ability to actually rip the car door

          off of the hinges or lift the entire car

          to rescue their loved ones.  This is an

          example of fight or flight.

This, however, causes some other symptoms:

*  blood is diverted away from the inner organs. As a result, the entire digestive process is slowed down. This can cause stomach upset, dry mouth and diarrhea.

*  The heart starts beating much faster to increase circulation. Some people experience this as a pounding fast heartbeat, others experience it as skipped beats. Breathing speeds up to allow the body to take in enough oxygen to keep up with the increased circulation of blood.

*  The body heats up because it is working harder to circulate blood. The body sweats so it can cool itself down. 

*  It is difficult to concentrate or focus because the body is ready to act on instinct. All extraneous information is being filtered out and “tunnel vision” may be experienced.

*  A panic attack giving the feeling of dying or going crazy may be experienced. It is just a mechanism to let the person know that something is wrong. However it cannot make a person die or go crazy. 

*  An overwhelming urge to run away will occur because the brain gets a message that something terrible is about to happen. This is also a symptom of a panic attack that would motivate the person to take action if they were in danger.

We all have experienced fear in one form or another.  The avoidance of fear just leads to more avoidance.  As we change our thoughts to be more courageous, we begin to have the ability to conquer our fears. 

Many people’s lives are turned upside down because of fears that they have allowed to have dominion over them.  They have physical maladies in addition to the mental issues.  They don’t know how to manage the stressors in their every day lives.  Well if this sounds like you... stay with me, I can help.

Join me Friday as we evolve from a fear-based, avoidance approach to a proactive, self-confident move forward.

Facing Fear - Part 1

Facing Our Fears

There are different synonyms to fear:  alarm, anxiety, dread, fearfulness, fright, horror, panic, scare, terror, trepidation, etc...

What do you gain by facing and overcoming your fears? You gain self-esteem! You gain courage! You gain wisdom!… You gain yourself! There is a wonderful feeling that comes from being free of your fears. Unchallenged fear becomes a prison for you that prevent you from going forward thus preventing you from accomplishing your goals and living victoriously. It binds and chains your mind so much so that you cannot think outside of the cell that you have allow yourself to be put in.

Avoidance of that fear leads to more avoidance and the fear escalates as you give in to it, thus you give it more power from you. You become powerless and it becomes more powerful over you, sometimes to the point of it becoming a “phobia” which we will discuss later. Being proactive in dealing with your fear will release the chains that bind you.

Your body reacts to fear. When the brain thinks or perceives that a situation is possibly life threatening, it reacts in 1 of 2 ways, “Fight or Flight”. “Fight” is the pathway of aggression to defend yourself and “flight” is the fear reaction that sets the body in motion to run or escape from the threat. This "fight or flight response" is essential in truly dangerous circumstances to decrease the chance of injury or death.

The key word here is "perceives". The perception that a situation is life threatening does not mean it is. And that is the problem. All of us have experienced fear at one time or another, but only some of us have actually experienced it to the point that we are in physical life threatening danger. However, although we may not be truly experiencing a life-threatening situation, because of our “perception” our body reacts as if we were.

This week we will discuss the symptoms of fear and the steps necessary to overcome it.